The Laws of Ultimate Reality

So, recently i got this in the mail...
thought i'd share... this shit is so true, its not even funny when it actually happens :D
check 'em out...

- Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

- Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

- Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

- Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

- Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

- Variation Law
If you change lines in a queue (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

- Law of the Bath/Shower
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

- Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

- Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

- Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

- Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

- The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

- Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a gym locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

- Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

- Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

- Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's fugly.

- Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

- Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

- Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick

18 Years... Damn!

Dated 29th August, 09
Around Midnight:
If you guys haven’t seen or heard while stalking on facebook everyday, I’m about to turn legal… :D
Im going “Dude… did my 17th year just pass by...?? Damn!”
So here I am staring at the screen... Reminiscing, listening to Blink 182, Thinking... What has happened this past year? What have I seen and realized? Where was it blissful and where did it hurt? Hmm... Let's see...

Firstly, the YES program... MAN! I don't even know where to start off with that... I don't think any elaboration is required there, everybody knows... It’s the reason why this year was extra special and seemed way too short. It’s also why I got to travel so much. What else? Hmm, well I have become more calm, thoughtful and less chutiya, talkative... Didn't turn emo from all the shit I went through, but I guess it isn't as bad as my other deep dark secrets... I've grown to know myself alot better... Don't really know how to put that in words...
What's the expression on my mind the most these days? "Ah, Fuck it"...
What did I gain? Friends, a second family, 'enlightenment', a lil bit of height and weight, insight, a sense of responsibility and I guess a lil bit of maturity too...

What did I lose? My frikkin mind(Sept-Oct ’08 in NM), Alota shit, my fav wristwatch, my laptop(R.I.P my dear friend), and what else.. umm, lost my old self... Which isn't a bad thing, lost my sweetheart, lost my inner nerd, lost my Urdu...(not entirely thank God) lost interest in cheap shit like bollywood and paki fashion...

What did I learn? that's a huge question... To name a few, ignorance is a bliss for some... Indifference is a nasty bitch... You can't just rely on others and not on yourself... Expectations hurt... Being loved is one of the sweetest feelings, just another reason to be thankful for... One should listen to the heart every once in a while... Self-control is the only shield, against every vice, not everyone has... Shit just happens... Observe first, then if you don't have anything good to say then don't say nuthin... Keep your fuckin eyes open... Trust is the most important thing ever... Life comes with no guarantees... Relationships are tested, not when both care about each other, but when one forgets and the other still continues to care... Dont get cocky, you'll just seem like a bigger piece'a shit then you originally are... Some people don't care... others just don't give a fuck... In the end it all comes down to the individual and his cojones... Don’t make someone a priority, for whom you’re only an option… And the list goes on, the lessons that I've learnt practically in the last year... It's a good thing I guess but I really wouldn't wanna repeat learning some of em... Nooo. Hell no! :D Though i know I still tend to slip sometimes... after all, Im only human.

I have developed some peeves too… some new some old… stuff that makes me wanna go “Fuck that shit!”
Here are a few of em… No offence to anyone out there
-Starplus… Indian TV channels in general.
-People who butcher English and think they're cool
-‘Chutiya, tharki mard hazraat’
-The country's current status.. and leader
-‘Molvi hazraat’ who talk shit, Non-progressive punkasses
-Helplessness, suppression
-Indifference
-People who get pissed when I help them with computers
-Snobs
-Anything that revolves around bananas, movie stars and twilight

Music… my lifeline :) the most played songs in my iTunes library this past year… not necessarily my favorites though…
Blink 182 - I Miss You
Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.
Coldplay - Lost Ft. Jay-Z
Coheed & Cambria - Welcome Home
Jason Mraz - Lucky
Eminem - My Name Is
Blink 182 - Feelin' This
Eminem - I’m Back
The Eagles - Hotel California
Plain White T's - 1,2,3,4
Coldplay - Fix You
Dr Dre - Nuthin’ but a “G” Thang
Taylor Swift - Teardrops on My Guitar
Kanye West – Bittersweet Poetry Ft. John Mayer
Daniel Powter - Bad Day

I think the best ‘gastronomical discovery’ I made this year has got to be either “Mexican food” or “Cheesecake”
I just Can’t pick a winner :P

I also want to say that every single person who came into my life this year…as a friend, as family, or just an acquaintance… has made me feel confident that im not a total failure when it comes to being social animal... ofcourse, with the exception of some bitches :) ahem ahem… yeah, they’re everywhere, I know dude. I think that the biggest thing I learned was how to deal with life patiently. Change gears, hold my shit together when it’s tough. But im just a beginner… It has only begun. I still have a lot of growing up to do, throwing up to spew and and fuckers to slew. :P God has a master plan, and I guess I am in his demand. Not just prodding along with my hands in my pockets and imprudently living life with a trial-and-error fashion only… But with an actual plan, aim and strategy... and Hope… :)

Aims:
- SMAO study my ass off… Since all my mom wants from me is marks, “bache kaise kaise number le jate hain, tumhari tarha ahi hote”… It’s the most discussed matter in the house…
- Get through F.Sc and get on with Engineering and Business school at NUST… Since that’s the second thing wanted from me… Pressure is up, unfortunately matric wasn’t good enough.
- Keep my partial Hafiza Quran intact and in good shape… Trying my best there
- Be Proactive and consistent… And work on my social skills
- Observe and Prioritize


This here is a like a log... maybe one day I’ll read this again, God knows I’ll be happier than I am today... See where I was and where I will be... Higher, Ahead and on my way(Inshallah) This is my time, this is it... Being young, now is the time... 18 years...Damn! Life is gonna continue to change from here on(well.. it has ALWAYS been sorta)... Perhaps it could be an even bigger bitch or perhaps not... Only time will tell... This is me talking to myself (in Morgan freeman's voice :P)... Tellin a tale... Describing a chapter of my life as I turn yet another page and keep on going... On and on… until it all ends some day, inevitably...

Life

“And It’s Happened once again…
I’ll turn to a friend…
Someone that understands…
Sticks to the master plan…
But everybody’s gone…
And I’ve been here for too long…
To face this on my own… Well, I guess this is growing up”

Dammit – Blink 182

As I lay in bed quietly last night after finishing ‘The Alchemist’… I thought to myself… has it already been 17 flippin’ years? Seriously…dude…17 YEARS?! come to think of it… that’s a significant part of my life right there…Gone! I never realized it till it was coming and now its on my head. All my life I always WANTED to be like this… keenly awaiting the time when I would be nothing but a teenage freelancer with a few general responsibilities like friends, food, studies and shenanigans. But back then it all seemed so far away and distant… and I never looked behind, always looking forward… headed towards life like an average kid as it came across me, ever so vibrantly with all its confusing, and sometimes amusing, crossroads…

It came to me like a flash flood… from as long ago as I could possibly remember…

My first by-myself poop… my first steps(well, I don’t really remember THAT but still :D) my first pair of underwear… my first shit-my-pants… my first day of school… my first exam… my first time getting bullied… my first bike… my first crush… my first heartbreak… my first PC… my first dive from the top diving board at the pool…(no really, that was a big deal man) my first time moving out-of-town… (and the moving never stopped) my first ‘bigger’ bike… my first fight… my first time in a plane… my first favorite song… my first chickenpox… my first cuss word… my first debate victory… my first death-in-the-family… my first F in class… my first by-myself accident… my first cellphone… my first time in junior high… my first “bin-laden” tease… my first R-rated movie… my first snowfall… my first ‘teen’ year… my first boat ride… my first sash… my first time fell-off-a-horse… my first zit… my first time driving a car… my first national exam… my first major fuck-up…(yep, grounded) my first concert… my first signs of facial hair…(ohh boy..) my first time out of the country…(the YES experience) my first love-at-first-sight…(Chees

ecake :p) my first culture shock… my first major Beyotch encounter… my first dream in English… my first attempt at shaving… my first Nascar race… my first school trip… my first ride over the Golden Gate… my first time on Capitol Hill… my first repatriation and re-entry… and God knows what else... with realizations both small and petty… and big and ball-wrenching… all along the course of time…
And here I was, tranced… staring at the wall… darkness… silence… and me…
And then it was the brain and the heart in that melancholy air…

“what the fuck just happened?”
“you just had a major flashback, dude”
“who the hell are you?”
“Im your motherfuckin conscience…living downstairs”
“Holy shit!”
“And yeah It HAS been that long fuckhead…where were you?”

At that moment it dawned on me, I had unknowingly spent the past one and a half dozen years of my life awaiting its own arrival… what the hell?!

“But wait…I didn’t accomplish SHIT? What happened to all the time? And all the stuff that I THINK I did??”
“Nothing. It was there and You did it…”
“Did what?”
“Spent your time…lived your life…first 17 years of it…and dude, you didn’t die man”
“are you fuckin kiddin me?”
“You wish I was, huh? Look… snap out of it. Look back at what you’ve done… and then look around you…and then look at yourself… do you see a worthless piece-a-shit amidst other ignoranus douches? Or somebody who is actually sane enough to realize and think about this shit at age 17?”
“Hmm…man, God has been very kind…I feel like an asshole…”
“You see, you’re NOT screwed…(yet)… infact, generally one would think this is just the beginning, right? Sweet 17?”
“I guess…”
“That’s what you’ve been doing man… You set a goal but once you got there you realized it shouldn’t have been the goal in the first place…right?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, it isn’t really your fault dude… you were too little to decide… and perhaps according to your age you might’ve even done the right thing… but from where you are now, you should begin to see what life really is…”
“Its short… it seems like yesterday that I was going to 5th grade and then 8th grade and then… wasn’t it just a while ago that I was playing Call of Duty and then just now I was wanting to stay in the US for another year… and eating biryani…”
“Dude, that really WAS yesterday man… see what I mean?”
“Damnit Fuck… Life is Short!!”
“and its about fuckin time you realized that…its good that you did, the sooner the better…”
“Fuck me…This is deep man…Everything went to crap”
“No shit… But I hope you’re happy… cuz I think you should know… you haven’t really wasted your 17 years either…You’ve done a little bit more than your average peers...”
“Thank God!”
“And this shit shows that you’ve grown up just a lil quicker too… another one of your realizations bud…”
“Im so not gonna waste any of it that’s left…”
“You never know how much is left… heck, you could die in one half of a split-fuckin second…first thing tomorrow morning or a hundred years from now… only God knows”
“I guess I should listen to you sometimes… I really got put in my place…”
“Your not the only organ with feelings you know…”
“Yeah… This is weird… I feel happy AND sad”
“You’re happy cuz you’re loved… you’re sad cuz your spiritual side needs attention”
“You know what, lets switch places… you should move upstairs and do all the thinking…”
“Dude, I cant do algebra and you’re gonna so totally suck at pumping blood…”
“I should listen to you more often then…”
“Yeah… Just remember, in order to be successful… you need God’s will too… so PRAY damnit! He likes it even more if you pray when you’re young… otherwise everybody prays in old age, dude…”
“Yeah, I will… I promise”
“And set another goal… search for your destiny while following the omens… and please think more before doin’ stuff…Nobody can do it for you…”
“I get it. Life… Priorities… Prayer… and some fun too…”
“Fuck Yeah! You’re not gonna be 17 again you know…not like that faggot zach efron in that whack movie.”
“Hell no… But now I know that it also doesn’t mean I forget my progress… otherwise I might get lost once again…”
“Yeah… Cherish life as it passes, try to savour every moment as if it’s a part of you’re path to your destiny… even though you’re only human. Before you know it you’ll be looking back once again and you’ll be the man… all professional… it wont be long before you’ll find someone someday, get engaged… enjoy a little more… get married, raise a family, whilst you chase the years of your life… and then… you’ll be looking back yet again… holding your grandchild and not feelin that swagger or energy anymore… just a lifetime to tell about that’s already past… and then your kids and grandkids will get annoyed by your lectures… That’s life!”
“Whoa…fuck!”
“And that is ofcourse if you get to live that long…”
“Hmm…That’s why we say Inshallah!”
“Indeed, Inshallah!”
“Guess what song makes perfect sense for the moment… Five for Fighting – 100 years”
“Oh yeah! You’re right… well atleast you’re good for something do-brain”

Half the time goes by, suddenly your wise…
Another blink of an eye, 67 is gone…
The sun is getting high, we’re movin’ on…
…Im 99 for a moment, dying for just another moment…
And im just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are…

“There is never a wish better than this, when you only got a 100 years to live. Great Song”
“Yeah… That was some heavy shit, wasn’t it?”
“Hells yeah dude… I feel revived…”
“Aren’t you forgettin’ something?”
“Yeah, Thanks for the support, beyotch”
“Here we go again…just go to sleep asshole…”
“Alright…Good Night, nutsack”
“Good Night, douchebag”