Bullshit

You know...i think its about time...
I've really been watching and letting go...
You were cool and all...or that's what i thought...i even cared about how you were doing and stuff...a couple of times the thoughts of being friends with you crossed my mind, since I thought you had dealt with this really nicely...I had know everything all along.
but then I got to know the truth...
You dont even like the mention of my 'name'...and yet you "befriend" this young woman as if she's nothing but an open place for your not-so-teenage and oh-so-much-more pure and real "love" that is beyond the comprehension of a mere 'kid' like me...
yeah. condescending as it is...more importantly it was confusing for her to the extent of depression "you know nothing about love"..."you have so much more to learn"
"my love for you is beyond the love you and everyone else thinks of" "my love is different than his...he cant love you the way i do" WHAT does it even mean?

do you know what it feels like...? Do you, asshole?

There's so much I have kept inside for so long...I mean there were moments when the timing couldn't have been more perfect, the timing to speak out, what I had in mind couldn't have been said at a better time...but i never did. Just kept giving you another chance....and another...and another...thinking, well perhaps he's still tryin to shake it off but maybe its hard for him...and that he'll eventually be alright. I know that's where he wants to be...
I always told myself, No...he's cool...he oughta understand...i thought you were better than me....and i dont have to kill any ego or anything like that to admit that i did

But what have you done??

Again, I ask you...Do you know what it feels like...?

You say to her "how can you let yourself be possessed by somebody at such a young age...i dont like how he can do that to you"
So you mean she should be an "open-house" for people like you? Whatever happened to her feelings and her desires in something special and exclusive?
dude, do you know the irony of this? what I have been silently ignoring for so long...? YOU are still, to this day, possessive about her...
admit it
You just dont get it...you dont...
and who ARE you?
You know, YOU getting uncomfortable when she mentions ME, still...ignoring any conversations about me...they clearly show what you feel man. Why cant you just face it?
Was she not clear enough the first time???? :\ I mean does it matter if I tell you your advances aren't a matter of thought or epiphany...but a matter of disappointment? :|
For me they're what they would be to any other bf. But for her its agonizing...
she was NOT kiddin around with you when she said what she wanted...
And She still isnt. But you're just... *sigh*

and when you say "I dont like how he can make you break down and be sad, frustrated so..." Ok, wise guy, do you have any God Damn idea WHAT happens when YOU say a word or two in anger to her? Your simplest egotistically understandable remarks even... can wreck her...do you have any idea how she cries, literally cries with tears down her cheek just cuz this "friend" is angry? You're not even her bf and still you're dear enough to her, you're worth tears to her, but you STILL don't respect that and honour that.... :( its a shame. Do you know what I have to go through to try to console her for YOU...? and You're not even her man. :\ Im not even supposed to be caring you know, but I do....or alteast I DID, until i was told that you dont respect or even give a fuck--no, rather, you dont even ACCEPT my 'existence' at all. Im just an "obstacle"...something that came in between....
Unbelievably pathetic. :\
You know honestly, Im surprised at how fuckedup in denial a person can be to think shit like that...
Its not depth, guy. its worrisome shit.

You have the nerve to talk to her about Marriage?! I mean who the fuck do you think you are....?? Really...just look at yourself... you're violating her trust in you as a 'friend', not respecting the matter-of-fact realities... cheating her friendship for something YOU want and she DOESN'T :|
if that's not the kind of intention her and I have been noticing, then WHAT are you saying....? WHAT is the matter with you? Do you know what it feels like when your gf tells you that THAT's what someone said....? Do you???
If I STILL had respect for you all this time, I think the last remaining blades of it burned away after you said this to her....and i know that was, as well, some time ago....

I dont think you accept reality....you dont accept ME...you dont think 'I' exist....
Denial. Denial and nothing but.
You never truly accepted when she told you "NO"
You never truly accepted when she said she found ME
You never truly accepted ME being there....where YOU wanted to be
and by 'accepted' i mean truly, not just a superficial yeah-yeah

Man, cmon...
I thought you were more sensible...
Why do you have to put this on her plate? Do you think she needs to deal with this? No, she does NOT... :S
It is a matter of great resent for her when she sees someone who can be such a good "friend" of hers, someone she trusts she can keep at such a close distance all of a sudden turns into...something else...
that just makes things rotten.
And then you gotta go around shoving your "oh its not THAT love you think of" crap in her face when clearly your intentions are evident....i dont even know what to say to you man...just... atleast look at how old you are and wtf you're doing... :\
When there's a girl and guy...who are to be friends, and nothing more...then one should just....accept that...
Otherwise its pathetic.
You make her regret keeping you soooo close...If you really DONT want that then get your shit straight.
WAKE the FUCK up already...
It totally seems like you're not gonna even THINK about it, you're just NOT gonna GET IT until you have your ass handed to you gracefully by someone. She doesnt try to do that cuz she has a place for you in her heart. But you keep mistaking it for some OTHER place in her heart. Do you know how stupid this seems, for a person your age and your social standing? Not AS stupid as me having to say all of this stuff just cuz someone is too thickheaded to understand... :\

I thought you were better than this, I thought you were not like the others...

Before her and I, when you two were real close I wasnt like YOU, you asshole :\ i respected boundaries...and would you believe me if i say I, personally, used to encourage her...to go for it, have at it. But No, that just wasn't meant to happen. And it didn't. Despite all that, she didn't think that was it for her. You should've understood there and then cuz I know she was clear enough. She has always been clear enough. They say when a man and woman are together, attraction is inevitable. Well, It was her choice...and she made it...a long time ago. But you are still denying it to yourself...what happened to self-respect? ghairat? :\

And I dont know why you have it in your head that I have an impending exit waiting to happen, after which you can force your way in like you try to, even now...every once in a while there is an episode.
Pathetic.

Believe me...
If I were to meet you, I would have an answer to ALL your notions and arguments, answers that when she tries to give you in her words time and again, just don't really make you stop....and think about what you're doing. You don't understand her language. Maybe(just maybe) you'd understand mine.
Like that song goes...
"Friends, lovers or nothing. There can only ever be one.
FRIENDS, LOVERS or NOTHING. There can never be an in-between, so give it up."

1:45am, Tuesday night...Apologies to Sir Syed and Iqbal :P

*cuddled up in blankets*...
Eden: You know I dont think people made love in the old days, like 1840s...
Sam: Really? What makes you say that baby?
Eden: I just think so...
Sam: Hmmmm, I think they could...I mean its human nature
Eden: Nahi..you can't imagine sir syed ahmed khan really 'making love' to his wife, can you??
Sam: O_o *baffled* Kyaa?!!
Eden: ..or Mariah Carey?
Sam: WHaatT??! *breaks into laughter* Komal? WTH??
Eden: Han na, that's just so...I, I just dont think the girl would be able to...you know...
Sam: *still laughing*
Eden: wo daarhi itna.....chubti hogi...ERGH!
Sam: *completely cracks up*
Eden: Shutuuup! :P *cracks up too*
*after sharing profuse laughter finally calms down*
Sam: WOW
Eden: Yeah so you see, they probably didnt make love...
Sam: Yeah I guess they didnt then... not with that beard anyways *aftershock laugh* :P
Eden: *snickers* yeah, God, Ergh...
Sam: That's why I'm never keeping a mustache or a beard...
Eden: Haan..
Sam: taake chubne ki kisi ko fikr na karni pare na... :P
Eden: Ji han! *laughs away* awesome ;)
Sam: But mariah carey...?? sir syed...?!! WTF?!
Eden: What...? im just sayin :P
Sam: Seriously?? :D
Eden: Yeah Iqbal was really fat too...
Sam: Huh??! HAHAHAHAH!!
Eden: Im seriouusss... *giggles* wo ITNE mote the pata hai? :P
Sam: Omg! And did you know that he had many wives in his life...?? Not simultaneous though
Eden: Really?? Wow....*pause*...maybe Mariah Carey would be calling Iqbal while she is underneath sir syed... :P
Sam: *barely constrained chuckle* making an appointment for tuesday..? *laughs his head off*
Eden: *cracks up again*

Oh God, the stuff we talk about sometimes... HAHA!! :D
Love you, Babydoll :)

Uno Cuatro Tres <3